Issues? Me?

Don't you love it when something strikes you out of the blue and screams in your face..... "YOU'RE NOT AS THROUGH WITH THIS AS YOU THINK!"  Friday, the 25th, I shared a bit about what my March looked like 3 years ago.  Rejection was the theme of that time in my life.  There is nothing like being rejected by a husband you love so much and would do anything for.  As a rule, I usually don't dwell on rejection in circumstances and don't even give rejection a second thought as to why someone may not be speaking to me.  However, there was an incident this week that God used to open my eyes.  After Bible study and coming home to think about it, it hit me like a ton of bricks..... it was my past that had influenced my actions.  It's hard to sometimes to know why we do things, but I now know why I did what I did and that's the most important thing.  I was feeling rejected in a time when I so greatly needed to feel validated as a friend.  God knew exactly what I needed to hear in order to get me out of my March validation funk.  I do not need to be validated by men or women of any sort.  God is my Abba, it is what He thinks of me alone that matters.  Psalm 139 is the scripture reference I had inscribed on my daughters grace* stone.  There were toooooo many good verses in that chapter to pick one.  It is an incredible passage about God and His care for us.  Verse 17 states: "How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!"  WoW!  Do you know how hard it is to have continuous good thoughts toward someone!? He never tires of thinking good thoughts towards us!  He made us!  He loves us!  We are His!  And by his grace we can be called children of God. Thank you, Lord, for loving me! 
This is so easy to speak about... looking solely to God for our validation and significance, yet it is what we are supposed to do.  It truly takes daily practice to seek God, but He promises that if we seek him, we will find Him.  Go look for Him today  :) 
*Upon proof-reading this, I realized I had written grace in lieu of grave.  I left it because I don't think that was a mistake.  Lily is a wonderful reminder of God's grace.  It is perfect and right there exactly when we need it.

Three Years

Three years ago, at about this time, I found out that the little one I was carrying was no longer living.  It was at my 18-wk ultrasound and 2 days after my husband officially walked out on us.  My life was being turned upside down, right in front of my eyes.  I chose to have her instead of having a DNC and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.  My mom got on a plane for the very first time so that she could be with me as I began to walk this road I had been detoured to.  Although it was a sad day, God gave me the strength I needed and I got to hold my precious little baby girl on March 29.  There was no life in her, but God gave me His eyes to see her as beautiful as He saw her.  It was a bittersweet moment in the midst of the chaos surrounding me.  This is not where everything began, but this is where God started to comfort me in the beginning of my single-mom life.