What is your default setting?

Ever have a defining moment? That keeps showing up!? You know, the one that you get, you are aware of, you know how to approach, and yet when all is said and done, you just can't seem to get it right. Yeah, that one. To be quite frank, it's frustrating. I've read the books and prayed the prayers. In my heart, I know I am a better woman now than who I was then, but for some reason, that is not what is coming across. Why? Why is it that there are things that God has to keep showing me over, and over.... and over again? As a general rule of thumb, I am very much a listen and learn person. I prefer to heed good advice and stay out of trouble. Living and learning may be fun (sometimes), but I personally don't like the trouble it has the potential to bring. But here I sit, once again facing a situation where I keep having to learn the same lesson.

There's good news though! A few months ago, it hit me. I found out the 'why'. Well, maybe I already knew the 'why', but I found out the depth of the 'why'. God initially showed me the 'why' when I was a freshman in college. Ever so often, He has had to knock me on the head and remind me again. This time though, the answer to the reason why I kept repeating the same mistake seemed deeper. In short, not only my focus, but also my expectations were being diverted from God to something else. That is what our natural mind does all on its own. Our focus has a default setting and that is 'man', not God. This is a daily battle for me. Who do I trust for the outcomes, God or man? Who do I expect to meet my needs, God or man? Who do I look to for direction and purpose, God or man? God has been my light sooo many times before, so why is it that in this one area of my life, I can't seem to change the default setting? It is frustrating. It hurts... me and those I love. It has cost too many tears. Today I will choose to trust God for what is to come, to lean on Him for my needs, the ones no one can supply but Him. God's Word tells us to deny ourselves and to pick up our cross daily. I don't know about you, but denying myself is not what I want to do, and I sure don't what to carry a heavy cross! This is something I have to fight daily, but I know that with His strength, His perfect strength, the load of this cross will get lighter.